Happy Father's Day

Sunday, June 19, 2016

I'm sorry for not updating for the longest time as I'm super damn occupied with my job. Currently I'm typing this post with a mask as I was down with a terrible cold lol.

So my social media newsfeed is overflowing with pictures of fathers today - because it's Father's Day. People going out for family celebration, throwback photos of people with their daddies...

As I'm typing this post, tbh my mind was blank. I've no idea what to say because it's the fifth year I'm spending this day without a father. I was 16 back then.

I lost my dad in a suicide (I talked about it in an old post) and it all happened too quick for me to react. Even till now, whenever I walked pass the place where he landed, my heart still skipped a beat and I'm still traumatised by that incident.

Maybe some of you can argue: "My parents divorced when I was xx age, aren't I worst than you?"
Dude, does it look like I'm trying to compare myself with you here? What I wanted to bring across is that even if your parents are divorced, you can still see them, still know that they are alive doing their own things. But for people that lose their parents like me, we would never know what they are doing right now, how they have been, and what were they thinking at their last moments.

Sometimes I ask myself, am I the only one that is affected by this for years?

What recently strikes me was that I happened to post a photo of my dad on Facebook 6 years ago and my mum was actually looking at the photo. (Well I happened to find out because she using my sister's Facebook and she accidentally tagged one of my sister's friend in the photo). I realised I'm not the only one that was missing him.

My dad was a cheerful guys whom love to make jokes. He never ever scolded me harshly, and even if he did, he would always give in to me and talk to me after 5 minutes. I respected him alot and never ever raised my volume at him. I was pretty close to him when I was young, and he would bring me round in his bicycle basket till I'm tired in the early morning like 4-5am. And because of this, there was once he had an accident and needed stitches because he hasn't have enough sleep. No matter how lousy my grades was, he would always be there to motivate me for the next exams/tests.

I feel sorry, because I was like every teenager back then, we all wanted to spend more times with our friends, the computer, the games etc. I didn't set time aside for him; all I was thinking was that I can do so in the future to repay him. But nope, I never got a chance.

His departure probably thought me how to cherish people around me more. Make time for people that are the closest to you to avoid having a life time regret like me. I also learnt that in this world, nobody will actually have the time to care about your feelings, to care about your well being except for your family and yourself. I learnt how to be independent.

I will never get another chance to have my picture taken with him, I will never get to tell him Happy Father’s Day personally. Thank you for providing me with some of the happiest moments of my life, Happy Father's Day to you daddy.

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